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Take it up bravely.
Bear it on joyfully.
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(19) VVi]1iam Emperor, 1871
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January Wednesday, 1 1873
What does that make you think of Fannie as you read it to-day? Play that I asked the questions a good way [from] to-day when I have given up and out and beyond! To-day as I write I only remember the words that have comforted me so and given me out of my storm a great calm. "For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed but my kindness shall not depart from thee. Neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed." O, years still let the promise hold [us]. Still let the [quiet] of the day be [remembered] always.
Janauary Thursday, 2 1873
Into the ditches.
Before we were out of one we went immediately into another. Sprang [dashboardward] and performing gyrations not surpassed by Mark Twain on the [Musican]. All this when Aggie and I with Mr. Briggs horse went way off. An informal gathering in [perspective] which is with, from, in or by the aforesaid dashboarding!
Will there be ice cream and cake and coffee? Mother says she believes it. Agnes interposes, "Nice. [ ] little ma"
January Friday, 3 1873
Into "informal gatherings" and after claps.
One day there was a great noise in our house. It was us-and we were all Glory [McWhinke]! Old [Normals] and new [Normals] met and [greeted] and things [reached] no limit!
What absurd times we all had getting to sleep. It took an "awful" while to get locked in slumber and behold we were unlocked so quick as [never] was by a thunder and lightning storm in January.
January Saturday, 4 1873.
And Annie Adams dawned upon us and in my well known vernacular we felt good. Besides Abbie was there, Anne Phelps dropped in and Miss Bissell came and if I am Patience Strong this is an ["inting"]. And so as you can see to-day there was cream for my coffee. The end was not yet. There was still the long easy evening for us to visit in and poke the fire - and poke each other. Did we?
January Sunday, 5 1873.
Into-Mr. Briggs cutter and out of it. The mare is not swift of foot. I may or may not have intimated as much before. As a fact is is indisputable whether the [Haydinlle] S.S. is like the mare in the quality of swiftness. Mr. Proctor belongs to the Old School. What does that mean. It means what we call in music -- ritard! The Holy Communion like all of God's beautiful types was very silent and indeed [words] could not add. Does Jesus say again - I am that bread of life?
January Monday, 6 1873
Into a Prayer Meeting.
[Austiss] said- "God knew. I know this day that he did know" - And this was long afterward when much was lived for God to know since then. There's a deal of comfort in this for me. I never did want God so much before. I have come up out of weeks to answer Aunt Winifred's question, "What do you want there now?" The coming home part of the meeting was nice to me. It was like coming up through the [pines] into the world again!
January Tuesday,7 1873
Into Charlotte's Future
A surprise awaited the juvenile members of our family, me included. It was no less a person than the pater familias of the little gals! The usual events attending such an explosion of the Taj Mahal followed. Mother was culinary. I, left to him. We fell to dreaming and the outgrowths were plans. What shall [Lottie] be, do? Ah is all architecture vain when built with hands. Some day she shall look back on these yesterdays and speak.
January Wednesday, 8 1873
Into red bows and vanities.
Did I wear a red bow? When my existence for a long time has been a protest against them. I reasoned that red bows are for black eyes - My eyes are not black. Well I deliberately marched to the store and picked out a red bow - came home and tied it and donned the same. Alas. If I were the only one who walked in the lifeless bodies of my convictions. By and by I'll begin to resurrect! Addie laughed about it, of course. Mother and Mary are hurting themselves. [Well, I no helps it.] Am I sane, apparently? I fear not. That they should think I to be taken and they left.
January Thursday, 9 1873
Into pentameters and hexameters.
A great many. After all there's a droll satisfaction in dealing in measures. It's like a boat ride and is in rhythms! Besides we know how we're coming out. Down home I have to make all the rhytms, and when Mr. Williams lets me be I can now and then get pentameters. Mr. Tremaine takes to himself the wings of the evening and flies. The children mourn not as those who have no summer vacations. Mother and Mary [raise] [Ebenezer] but I don't know what that means.
January Friday, 10 1873.
Into the light that is not Divine enough. Yet a little while, said Jesus and the world seeth me no more, but ye see me. Yes, we open the door some times and the light form within breaks upon us like tonight in the meeting. I come home glad to say "it is hining onme as I go". I keep forgetting to tell the [...] things about school. It's full of little things that run to meet me, just like the little boy's in Schenectady with flowers.
Addie is at the bottom of the hill and I am standing a great way off.
January Saturday, 11 1873
Into grinding processes. Yes - and close on the retreating form of the light. So goes it. Nothing ever fits into the notches of a Saturday or as mechanics would say dovetails - except a very few things - and today was [blest] by the presence of none of them. For instance, Pasting, Visiting or Sleigh-riding. I leave notches open for the latter but I needn't. I wish that Mary and Addie would somehow get up a makin up between them. Why can't they? Things lately fit the language of Georgie's famous song, "And then the feathers fly"- Don't tell.
January Sunday, 12 1873
Into sick rooms
No, I couldn't stay away from Brownie any longer. I must go and see if she is sick. She didn't want to be glad to see me or be my little girl but she did be. She got good and let me nurse her and we got down on the pillows close and had a fine time and pretty soon she felt better.
Let me whisper to the sick and afflicted: Don't cherish in your hearts any belief that Mrs. Briggs knows how to cook for sick folks. I'm afraid she don't. I have premise first and premise second and don't the conclusion follow?
January Monday, 15 1873
Into a Cumulo-stratus.
I don't seek such places. Don't misunderstand me: Sometimes I awake and find me there! Sometimes I'm pushed there, like a pneumatic railway! Sometimes Mr. Williams holds one up for me to jump through. Today my happy thoughts have dwelt on the Corporation--but the heavenly assembly who rest not day nor night crying. Nor more terrestrial than that! The Castleton Corporation who rest not day nor night crying.
January Tuesday, 14 1873
Into droopings woful[man].
My picture would not be calculated to light up a prison or cheer a Russian exile. Our gazing on it might be reminded of this vanity of all things mortal or the visions of Joel and Amos.
My friends can still see me at the old stand -- No. 2 Seminary Street.
January Wednesday, 15 1873
Into a lively hope.
Lively for the contrast, lively with expectations. Sure nuff. I am reassured. The Corporation will not see me wronged! O no. I believe it and hope taketh hold on things behind the veil. I'm sorry that I cannot finish out this page without using slang. Please excuse me. I shall have to say -This [Normal] School is too [thin]! Georgie's sick. Addie's sick. Mary's sick and there's room for millions more.
January Thursday, 16 1873
Into spunk and [spasm]. In this case the first cause is to the first effect! Why? Have you [learned] to be made? You see it all came of an example in simple subtraction. Strange that I should prefer to say when I want to pay debts. Forgive his weakness!
We have snow up here in Vermont and I'm inclined to think eternal frost! But throw up your hat -- the days are growing longer.
January Friday, 17 1873
Into play grounds of sentiment. A play ground perhaps as it is when the sounds of retreating footsteps are lost in the distance, and bat & ball are throuwn aside and the grass so lately trodden down again peeps out. When us can think uninterruptedly! How can I come to this play ground this last Friday night without bringing with me the faces that will vanish before the next week closes. I think and think of it, and the only words that come to me are those old, sad ones, "Thou shall near the never, never, whispered by the phantom years."
January Saturday, 18 1873
Into stubborn things.
What more commendable employment can a lady of my sobriety engage in than that of writing facts? All the Mr. [Chadbands] answers, "None, my friends. So does Solomon, John, Elizabeth, Eliza, and the little boys with the india rubber boots! I don't do much else tho I'd [ ] -- much of my time was fun to waste in measuring fingers, preparatory to class rings-- and in [trotting] [ ] down to Mr. Preston's!
Mary truthfully speaking is as flat as a flounder.
January Sunday, 19 1873
Into joys "no man taketh."
Tell me quick. What brought about my Mr. Briggs betaking hisself to the Methodist Church? How did he suppose I'd get to Hicksville? Careless old man! The last I saw of me I sat waiting for the wagon! The only bit of Sunday that ever stays is the heart part of it! What slips in and stays because it is the joy he sendeth! How little like that the world giveth. All that Jesus promises includes two words--dear words--that I long for and pray for. Joy and peace.
January Monday, 20 1873
Into the event.
Then let him that is in India flee to the mountains. We didn't - so here we are! What's a deciduous plant? Where is Duluth? "Don't know [one]" say the seven! Who is boss in here? It's time, I knew, desirable too at this date. [The] [noun] says [we may]. The Verb says we [mustn't] So poor [Spencer] and I take up all the festoons tenderly and lay them to rest! Not as the Noun said but the Verb. Dan in the meantime cuts off his foot and casts it from him that we may make more [festoons]. We do.
January Tuesday, 21 1873
In farther.I should think it was, but the seven are an invisible armada! They stand it! Fresh incidents arrise to confirm Mr. Williams manifest benevolence. Why should the spirit of mortal be proud? Why should Addie's and Mary's? He interposes that they have not been here forty weeks! Who keeps the [rolls]? We behold before us the works of our own hands. [Cedar] and [curtains]. But we will plough no longer in that field. We'll be good and listen. What does [aches] and grease and water [make] Miss Bryant! But my page is full!
January Wednesday, 22 1873
Into the last of it. I can't sit down by the parlor window and see the girls go up for the last time and know as I do that it is the last, without a feeling of pain. Otherwise my heart would say, A merciful, beneficent deliverance. Hope comes and in its steps forward it becomes almost ecstasy at Dr's words. Just such ecstasy as we fall from always, carrying with us every vestige of our dreams. Buffalo is or is not for me!
My girls did well to night, but their teacher could not be invited to the reception.
January Thursday,23 1873.
Into a picture gallery and an old satchel. I am seized and [borne] on troubling wings to where the camera ne'er breaks up and bolsters have no end! My won'ts are made over into wills, and seven are too many for me! We sit and are taken, none left. What a happy thought of mother's in setting before us oysters! Addie has found her stomach! Our family possess one satchel. Its mothers. She lends it but mark, it is never to be checked, in this dark vale of woes, Never, no, never. I take it down.
January Friday, 24 1873.
Into the cars. But first came the snow storm. You can form no adequate conception of this except you've been to St. Petersburg! Train into here late. Boston train gone, none of these things moved us, so we divided. The space between in measures. Not the hop, skip & jump of the school boy but the stably tread of the soldier! To Centre Rutland to secure a big boy, nine miles, to East R. with a funny old man two miles. To East walking, food twelve miles. "Josh" was not up to see me and I'd centered hopes on it.
January Saturday, 25 1873.
Into an old-fashioned stage coach. Just a few little catch talks with Addie, a romp with Josh, a tug with baby, and we're at the depot. I carry Addie's face with me on through all the journey. Chester, shouts the brakesman, and I look at the encircling hills remembering that behind them are hid legends that have become lively to me, sad now because of the joys that did not come to pass. Don't suspect any one to tell you what staging is like. Take a good round one like I did, only be sure to keep equilibrium.
January Sunday, 26 1873.
Into Pondville "mutin house". Don't say church. We are plain folks here. This is Pondville's first temple! I'm sorry that while their minister is working so for others to reach heaven he must himself stay out. His name is Rich. There is no promise for a rich man's entering. Georgie's mother says "Now I want to see you [not]".
She did. It's easily accomplished here. It's a pleasant sunny side of the orchards Georgie has had to grow on. It's on the south side where the sun shines best.
January Monday, 27 1873.
Into scraped apples and things. That is an old maid's whim! Nobody eats scraped apples but grandams and single ladies of advanced years. But there was no reason why Christina should not wear white socks nor why I shouldn't wear red bows, neither can I find valid reasons for not taking my apples in a pulpy [nitrogenous] mass instead of sliced or in multitudinous [bites]! Talk of snow. Behold with your eyes, and wonder not that my heart sinks, when I am about to throw myself at the mercy of trains, and thousands of snow drifts, walking together there! But Georgie and I talk quietly [now].
January Tuesday, 28 1873.
Into Gotham. Some people depose and say, I don't believe in that, so while I say a great deal I depose only some. My fears were in vain. The [...] there move formidable [...] in the programme, but we tilted along like monarchs over the crust fallen snow, [thin] and away, and up & on & before I knew it I stood on the platform at Springfield pursuing the New Haven E & prices! The ride was "[Patmore] and poetry" and the descent from that into N.Y. "abrupt as it was in Gail's time". Uncle Bill opened on me like a sack prepared for sausage.
January Wednesday, 29 1873.
Into the Promise Land. For what is it but a land of promise to me? Its golden fire suns not foreshadows have never set. I've held it to my soul thro' thankless tracks and many happenings, have said it [night] after days when we had been more than usual. William and I less than ever, Frances. That she was there, was all, and everything to me. Into that real land of promise, when I glide through the open door into the first glow of the warmth and light will the first feeling be one of closely suppressed pain, as I feel. My whole life for this?
And then [...] had to up & say "She's changed in everything". No, she ain't, it will take a little while for the broken up places to join into the new again.
January Thursday, 30 1873.
Into the fun of it. Let me quote Gail again on New York. "For a city entirely unobstrusive & unpretending it has really great attractions and solid merit." It was here Gail learned the nature and uses of the bell rope. I was saved for a later scarcely less beneficial lesson. The nature and uses of lady prinicipals.
But the fun of it was in the streets, here and there, not a soul to know, or to desire to know, but enough to watch and guess at. I am indeed truly and never more than this minute "a stranger in the gate".
January Friday, 31 1873.
Into the valley of blessing so sweet. I found a new way of getting to her and its easier than the old one requiring more foot and less horse power. The weeks [met] today in one gathered [handful] load of what there was for Hope, just as into October meet the weeks of sun and shower, of scent and song, of morning and evening joy.
We don't finish our sentences. Everything knows just where it belongs and fits itself to it.
February Saturday, 1 1873.
Into Booth's Theatre. But first my friend you ought to say "Into [...]". In that place how grand a thing to be born rich in the eyes!" The soul of the painter was in those landscapes, and further on the soul of Booth was in his words. It would not be grand Booth to do else.
As, is here the secret spring to great success in art, in song, in work? The soul is in it!
February Sunday,2 1873.
Into Beecher's Church. Henry Ward Beecher. Fanny Fern has two things against you, I have but one. "I cannot get a seat at your church", a decent one, have it not for this, like the above named lady I should be your faithful adherent. After the sermon I was willing to make the circuit of the church to get out. It be pushed into a fuzzy mass to elbow out, to run to get to the boat, to hear the dreadful ice shriek and groan under us, to get my feet wet walking from [...] to South Ferry, to eat cold pudding without much sauce! All this for that sermon. Is this [mostly] praise out of the mouth of [...]?
February Monday, 3 1873.
Into her eyes and down deep. It is a pain of sad patient eyes that I look into. Eyes that have looked upon the river that winds down through the night and yet have been held back for me to see again. And from her I have the lessons Christ taught her way down to the very edge of that Jordan!
O, it is not [alma] the girl dreams that vanish while we learn! To day is best of all the days with her. It was a [Prue] and I day.
February Tuesday, 4 1873.
Into Aunt Mary's big chair. We rolled out of New York again into Patmore and poetry. Between two lighthouses, near an old forest, the sun risses [rises] one spot joined to the summer [...] of [Eden]. I cannot pass it even far off without falling tears. It takes hold so close on summers that have gone into my heart.
Aunt Mary & Grandma were all alone. Thank [benignant] fates!. And I took the big chair by the sink and made hours of minutes, for you know the old man might come in!
February Wednesday, 5 1873.
Into the modern Sanhedrin. This does not refer the reader to ecclesiastical dignities. You may infer the time is Pedagogical! So are all of us. Aggie is summonded [summoned] by a virtuous body, all, all honorable [women]! But they know so much, they talk so loud! Aggie is a burning and a shining light! Why must she sleep on splints! It is not the proper disposition to make of her! [Cohoes] is a billow. Aggie a propeller. I a tossing [back] to move up and down, here & there, you must, says she!
February Thursday, 6 1873.
Into mother's room. Now says I, I can rock, kick, move my hair, eat, talk and hope for [H...] without fear and without reproach! Mother's room is a Paradise found, and if the best of my journey is yet to come, I dilate between happiness past, ecstasy to come! The present is only intensified pain. [D...] has news for me. The lion has bearded me in his den, and I away. Dr. Webber writes for me duly to appear before him. That worries me! But we put on our best bonnets mother & I and under the friendly protection of a thaw pay our vows to calls and callers.
February Friday, 7 1873.
Into wonderings many. Mr. Williams is a destiny that shapes my ends rough. I've heard as I will pretty long time. Getting tired. I am in Sue's state likewise. I need Firm Etymology. Sue's letter was on green paper and [...] all over with rakes and stomachs. I rejoice over the new rake, with those that do. No Etymology comes to my assistance. Not one.
February Saturday, 8 1873.
Into that which cannot be again. I wish it were easier to tell. I feel and know that it is best as it has been said to me. Yes, I "had better resign". They aren't easy words to swallow, but as it is a matter of advice, as it only reiterates what I had decided on long ago, and as the message to me from the united Board is what it is. I feel no pain only intense relief. There is no cause for pain in such and [interior] as ours. Full of appreciation and confidence, & praise, sorry only that Mr. W. [Williams] would not be pleased, bidding me a cordial reassurance that I should not leave the state.
February Sunday, 9 1873.
Into dish water and monarchical government. Yes I took off my coat and rolled up my sleeves and waded elbows in dish water and griddle cakes in the form of batter! The monarchical government was me. I had to be boss and keep the house in darkness and seclusion because mother was sick. Nothing was heard of Dan until nearly the hour of noon, and Lottie I sent to Haydenville, the rest to church in town, and not [censor] on the lovely isle was more a patriarch than I, or more innovative! Own up.
February Monday,10 1873.
Into ink and paste. Quite as much, my friends, as there was any fun in. What isn't ink of me is germ [magacanth]!
Writing up us not my worst agreeable pastime, but I spell off by minding the door. Dan says, "I wish I had a waxed end". "That's what you have got" says mother. While I delve into the paste mother goes into spirits of ammonia and [dogwood].
And it's gone at last and such a sense of relief comes as I cannot speak of. Yes my resignation has gone to the State Board.
February Tuesday, 11 1873.
Into yams with mother. Can you see all about how it is. Mother stations herself at the window looking toward Mr. Briggs and I at the "Old Stand". Sometimes I'm "a writing" and sometime's I'm a pasting! It don't matter much which. I yam just the same. We have a jolly supper full of yams. Mother cooks it before school is out so she and I can have great times alone. Is pasting one of the things not joyous but grievous that yields afterwards the peaceable fruits of my righteousness? Let us meet so.
February Wednesday, 12 1873.
Into visions of a Spanish Inquisition! In form and substance one of the most exquisite of systems! Mrs. Briggs comes over in a smiling humor. "I hold out any hand affectionately". According to Mrs. Briggs all present pursuits for a wide section of country are at once to be thrown aside that all may attend the Normal School! I believe it. I believe every word and I put up my hat and follow Mrs. Briggs home.
Spring sends out as yet no wafts of breath. We wait with longing unspeakable!
February Thursday, 13 1873.
Into my chrysalis state. And the bell rings and I go up, as it will probably never summon me to a first day again. For you must know that I am only waiting this time for wings of a larger growth! The faithful in any day and generation are a few and so today a few tried and faithful souls marched in and out of chapel! The best are single things or ones of any kind!
I rejoice that mother put up a great many cans of huckleberries.
February Friday, 14 1873.
Into the sitting room. How easy for anyone to be a criminal! How easy for me! Moses did not construct the dialogue to meet the sins of Seminary and Normal teachers. Paul never thought of them in the spirited. And so we go on sinning recklessly. We meet and "talk awfully". How long shall we go on in sin? Shall Mr. Williams roll a Dead Sin between us forever more?
While I'm gone another does not think of sin or Dead Sins but of walnuts to be cracked for me. Mother's good.
February Saturday, 15 1873.
Into the Spanish Inquisition. Yes and with her new gloves on! My willing soul? O, no. One chairman to face and four gold [huckel] canes. I had never sighed for such bliss! Mr. Williams sat and looked like the strongest fortress the moors ever held in Spain! I only know that it is ended and I came home to a bed and boiled ham. Mother's bed is a refuge whereunto I flee and am safe! If scarcely, then where do?
February Sunday, 16 1873.
Into plate, not Conley.
Ella Mills is breaking several of the commandments and she indeed is one heretofore of whom any father should have applied the excellent titles, "undoubted veracity". She's taking a hand in several games which are promising to be trumps, mustn't tell!
It's praise worthy in recommending the path of virtue and discouraging [humbugs], to say "I never do". I've seen it tried with sudden results. I can't say "I never do" tonight. I shall have to say , "I always do" for I helped! I drove to Cookville. I enticed Ella.
Near the shameful advantage, when your Mrs. Briggs was sick and couldn't so!
February Monday, 17 1873.
Into Mary Bibbins' adjectives.
They, the adjectives, are the safety valves of the globe. Only they can vent the surprise, [manifest] under the new order of things.
Things may sometimes work, sometimes they do. The present effect on the principal sufferer is quite apparent and shows itself in seeking the lotus eaters island, "demurage" [demurrage], she said all day, and pointed toward the land!
An enduring misery is tight shoes. They pinch, they squeeze and I am free no more!
February Tuesday, 18 1873.
Into a melancholy day of compressed feet and scratched neck. How sad it seems in one so young! The neck bears up better all things considered than the feet. Canals of pain run through every toe, intersecting large portions. The two and a half shoes have got into the wrong district!
Is there no help, no comfort, none? Present prospects contemplate a thaw. Mother begins to act that way too. To her Mr. Tramaine is "the [vilest] sinner". No longer shall her lamp hold out to him.
February Wednesday, 19 1873.
Into a crow story. The girls go home singing not "There was three crows", but there was one crow! It was me who wanted the new song. If you want a new song you must - 3 - etc. Must I? All things begin and end in school. At home mother queries. What can I eat? What shall she fix? I am exceedingly mild in my [behests]. I expect henceforth to live on ice cream, hickory meats and hulled corn! Mother doubts it. Lucy says, "I just wish I could be Mrs. Brown for a day".
February Thursday, 20 1873.
Into the merits of sloths, opossums and kangaroos! The subject grows on me and Lucy too is moving along up. She was giving us a vivid description of the sloth and among other things stated that it was very helpless, did nothing but sit on a tree stump and howl. "Howl for something to eat!" said the "fond" teacher. "No, ma'am, howl for fear it would be eaten." That is the result of my teaching. I come home to rejoice over rivers and cities on rivers. I look around for a man. I want a vigilant, thorough giving man two days in this week. His only business is to get Dan up to his music lesson.
February Friday, 21 1873.
Into seas of it! Pools of it! This suggests snow and in snow we abound. We cast thoughts about us looking toward May. There's only Moll's Winds. "If I thought there was". I gather about me all my enthusiasm of humanity and sail through snowy seas to carry plums and pickles to Florence and Ella.
O, how cosy it looked at home. When I came in a nice ten, and a big five! and a Friday night spasm of content!
February Saturday, 22 1873.
Into a hope not attained. Ay, this life indeed is like the [...] man's favorite parson. "It jumbles the judgement and confounds the desire". I looked forward all day to pasting, the day died away in a fiery sunset and still no getting at it. All along of Natural History and happenings.
O give Ella her first Latin lesson. It sends her up into Everest latitudes of transport. Annie comes in the opposite condition of Dead man's Valley, expecting me to fish her out. Mother sends thrills over us in many ways, chiefly today by little comforts of all kinds.
February Sunday, 23 1873.
Into a joke on Dr. Sanford. "Will I subscribe for Oliver Optic's Magazine? My mother wants to know. He has the importunity of the widow who cried night and day unto the judge! We get tidings that Mary has the means which brings Dr. Sanford over. He makes a slight mistake on the question of doors, bowing out he backs into the cupboard. We promise we won't tell. Mrs. Forte doesn't waste any time. When she's home she canvasses me.
Tonight my thoughts linger lovingly on the face of a tired man at the well long ago.
February Monday, 24 1873.
Into bliss for which I did not sigh. Mother says "never mind, it's your last time". The bliss is with [...] in or by object lessons. What makes them superlative is the [fire] of Mr. Williams. He wants to see if I have the idea!
Dr. Sanford has. He [took] me away on his snowy [zings] and I found Mary Bryant at the bottom of the hill. So are all of them up there.
At home things work together for good.
February Tuesday, 25 1873
Into a backache and no help for it!
Daniel being duly installed as a Normal pupil writes his reports as follows: "I have washed myself today & have tried to observe the highest standard of ordinary for me that I may be faithful". I build hopes on seeing Jennie Crofts a Normal pupil.
Does such triumph await me? How sweet to reflect! My vertebrae is more trouble to me than to most animals! How sorry I am! Not to every one does mother give ham omelets for dinner! Now Mrs. Matthewson send tracts!
February Wednesday, 26 1873
Into a blue that is the most blue! And I got into it. Which language is plain! No alternative is left me, not even that of the man who found his eyes were out! When the [mind] finds a resting place in lapis lazuli object lessons do not help out, now constipation.
I am set on Annie Crofts. Poor child. I dote on her. Spencer. I build dreams with him of a good time coming when he shall be allowed to make his bow! (wow!)
Poor mother, how pale and sick she has looked all day.
February Thursday, 27 1873.
Into "school management" with a vengeance. "It went the length and breadth of the blackboard and would have gone on to this minute if the gong hadn't sounded long and loud. What to do the first day. Who shall hereafter rise up and say, "I know not". It was told in both and proclaimed in [...]. Meeting only half the world in Dan & walked over to [...]. Mrs. Williams kissed me tonight. "Nevertheless, I" shall probably be dismissed [soon].
At home I am blessed with ham omelets and comfortable shoes.
February Friday, 28 1873.
Into a wind that proves to be east! Winds are variously constituted. All winds do not waft ships or bring good tidings. East winds are my agony. Emma Thomlin's how [di-do]. And nothing to do with east winds. [Her] long story blew east winds in my face, right along. Few winds that blow from Miss [Martin's] track are gracious.
I walk leisurely down to the six o'clock freight but am overtaken by that east wind and return [Addie-less]. The next call bids me [lie] to Mrs. Briggs, to see another vision, a new Normal. We now possess both Marsh and a Lake.
March Saturday, 1 1873.
Into the order of the subject. Not the order of nature! The order of nature is very different from this! It would have been as follows:
A cup of paste, a brush, sheets of paper and me before them joyously . Several glances at Harper's. Pen ink and letters, to invite innumerable. Satisfaction at seeing it done! Sleigh brought around visions of a great deal of grass hid under a great deal of snow. Me beholding! Yes, and Addie's [mild] have come, but night would not have brought Mrs. Foote.
The order of the subject has not been this.
March Sunday, 2 1873.
Into losing the name of disciples. I feel to night as if it were so for I might have borne for Jesus' sake. I must impose in me sterner discipline and heart pleadings for strength. I get shown any weakness sometimes.
It [...] me to go off alone in Mr. Briggs' cutter and I rode on and on because it seemed so good to me. I was even glad there was no church. Much of the Sunday sun has [come] in from south or east window, but I look for Christ strengthening.
March Monday, 3 1873.
Into memories of the sunny corner room. And what brought them but dear little Miss Reed, one of my sunbeams bright all the time. She has brought back the spring nights over on the Piazza. The little vases full of lily of the valley, the weird nights when I had to cross the long hall with my shoes in my hands! There is not a thought in the many of those spring weeks that has even a border of pain. And we add to night another flower to the wreath and lay it away where the wreath can never quite fade.
March Tuesday, 4 1873.
Into tripping the light fantastic toe. I keep doing it. Am yet. Shall rise up early in the morning to begin again. Mr. Williams escapes me, every time and I see him not. I [sorrow] over that Thomson class even as those who have no hope. How can I make them quick to speak?
[Hensey] trots herself into it. My will is good to trot her out. I break a vow and buy another book. Said I wouldn't! I take to my heart in its possession the hope of learning how to teach Geography.
March Wednesday, 5 1873.
Into being at ease in Zion. Don't begin to condemn me, my ease is not censurable, it is even recommended in young persons! I compose myself and am at ease to know that Mr. williams has at last constructed a programme for me to work on. My light fantastic toe reposes.
The Grammar is still a problem. Who can work it out. Another benignant thought is mine. "Does the agent owe the town or does the town owe the agent?"
March Thursday, 6 1873.
Into many marvels resulting in a new clock. Also a six o'clock freight. Miss Thomas is a strong one in her math. Taint my fault! I build a hope that Addie will come in the six o'clock freight. I go up to see and rejoice to see her little self trotting off the cars. I've been before.
We install ourselves immediately in my once warm room, made nice by mother's fingers, and proceed to enjoy ourselves forthwith.
March Friday, 7 1873.
Into what she thinks of it. She is third person singular! First person singular has long cared to proclaim what she thinks of it. Miss Thomas will speak if she [dies] for it. She formed me, will not probably be dismissed. What we are to understand is that she was not hired to teach Normals! I have learned to maintain respectful silence.
George Preston makes his best bow and comes and carries Addie off while I muse on several things and snatch up the minutes to write Natural History lessons!
March Saturday, 8 1873.
Into meadow broadenings. Saturday are always broadenings and have that stretch on in unlimited cosines and deer are meadow broadenings because they remind me of the dear large meadow lands that hold no end of sunny content and cheer. That's like no time today up stairs. Addie and Ina came in and Jennie Croft. And Annie and Mrs. Sanford and Libbie Whitlock, but there is no disturb. And the sunshine comes and goes and the night comes on so I cannot work. Then I take her in my lap and she lets me talk to her.
March Sunday, 9 1873.
Into a whisk and then Addie and I set up for rings. You see Mr. Briggs is still sick and so to me [passes] the right and [title] to the mare for the day. Poor little misguided heathen! What did we know about the south west wind? Our teeth they chatter, chatter still! Mother pets us with cocoa-nut pudding and ice-cream, which results in good!
Then we go up stairs and mother comes up to visit us. And the moonlight comes taking me far back to cosy Sunday nights with Sue.
March Monday, 10 1873.
Into how to buy beef and when. Only received and he calls himself Williams, which does not of itself install him into my good opinion, but I incline toward him since he's brought the beef and cut it up for nothing. One more arrival in the form of Harper's Weekly. I won't build hopes on reaching middle march!
March Tuesday, 11 1873.
Into indescribable honor, no less than and invitation from the Professor to sit at his board which I do with little ease and great dignity. It seemed scarcely less than an ovation to my majesty. Miss Bissell would make me add to my sins ingratitude! Would make me go up to forbidden precincts. Let me here record that I maintained my uprightness and did not walk in the counsels of the ungodly.
Made poor Addie go to Annie's rehearsal and it came very near being the end of fun. Only figs could pacify!
March Wednesday, 12 1873.
Into how to teach Philosophy. Ella and Addie have been showing me all the evening! Their revelations are too high. I cannot attain unto them! I'm in a way too since I have James Smith. When have I laughed so? Mother never slackens her attentions. She does and does for us. To night she made orange ice and it almost choked me for I knew how tired she was. It makes me tired to have her do so much.
March Thursday, 13 1873.
Into a perfect success. We all had a hand in it. And we succeeded in keeping Addie. And I'll hold her in my arms all night praying still that she may be led to the light. School was and is not and I seek mother's room with all possible speed to realize the reward of him that works all day in the vineyard.
Our family are all fired with military spirit occasioned by a brutal attack on Daniel's submaxillary. I say little.
March Friday, 14 1873.
Into Colonel Parker's ear. Unhappy fate that sends Colonel Parker to me and me to Colonel Parker. "It's a slow train!" "What?" "It's a slow train!!" "What?" "It's a slow train!!!" What did you say?" "Slow train." Anybody would think so.
I leave depots and trains and tympanums for a slow school and a prolonged what. I sound any reports into the ears of Professor and return to figure in wax in an exhibition.
March Saturday, 15 1873.
Into being carried off. Yes among folks I never saw, but heard tell on. Can't say much in form of the weather, for the winds blew us through and through going up there and got me together coming back. Emma came for me in the middle of my History questions. I left them tearfully. Her folks are farmers and in her house the stories have not told themselves by [hands]. Alas, how many of the yesterdays speak! I return to Natural History sadder, and wiser.
March Sunday, 16 1873.
Into much that isn't so nice by half. It began and ended in a tied up threat and many blankets. The horse knoweth his master's crib this day. I disturb him not. I lie still all day and have things to myself. I prop myself up with hopes on Ella's Latin, on reaching Middle March, on seeing Aggie and grand mother, on seeing bare ground again, and being wanted somewhere next year. All this is [emotional] but the best I haven't told.
Into having all the bark scraped off my outside and backing all the bark out of my inside! Mother did it. It began Friday night by rubbing vile ammonia on my tender skin. Since then it's gone on increasing by a common ratio. And I'm hourly growing into the pitiful condition of Mark Twain's dog.
School as is usual with Mondays, is noted for paucity.
I have failed to see much from it.
March Tuesday, 18 1873.
Into a great secret which I kept! Early I arose and hastened with celerity to the far off depot. That was a part of the secret. Being comforted by being told that the telegraph would reach her in an hour I returned to my hot cakes. School dragged as it always does when I have secrets to keep. And night was heralded in with boiling, whirling, foaming, thundering through! I didn't mean to have it so. Mother says, "Where you going?" "To see one of the girls". Thankful to get off so easy I betake myself to that depot of magnificent distances and the train brings Aggie. I march home with her as the conqueror comes.
March Wednesday, 19 1873.
Into a little more powder now my boys. Order was more being restored and thankfulness that I had no more to do with Boards being installed. Two letters lied before me, evidently designed to show me how sublime a thing it is to be stirred up good and strong!
Dr. Webber invites. Dr. French invites. Is it not of pure hearts fervently? I only stand and wait!
Aggie establishes herself duly and Dan assists by often reminding Mother that she mustn't forget the interests of the heathen!
March Thursday, 20 1873.
Into a scare and what will come of it. Miss Bissell has found the missing link between man and angels. It's Mr. Williams. While I stood unlawfully before the class proclaiming school management the missing link entered bringing Sir Isacc Newton Edward [Con...]. He gave a little twist to his mouth as much as to say, "I am in hopes of boring you. For this course I am come". I said to myself, Vengeance is mine and at once set about boring him!
Every nicely nourished hope of going to Randolph was vanished.
After a poky call at the Sun, on the teachers I come home to write epitaphs for Mrs. Thornton. A [fitting] pastime.
March Friday, 21 1873.
Into what did come of it. It was him at dinner. I am so unaccustomed to the society of such eminent persons that I did not behave at all to my liking. Now that he is fairly on the road to that hill of his four miles long I duly repent. Frances. Where's your independence that I've so prided you on. Where did you learn to be supercilious? Away with it.
I sit down at home after school had dragged itself out fairly and try to find enough cosy to get rested with.
March Saturday, 22 1873.
Into the sad, sweet by-gones. I come upstairs with my work and sit down among the pretty things up there written over and over with little stories that are sad now because they are concluded. I work at my Natural History and still go back to the stories. I am in a strange mood for it today.
Mrs. Briggs from the goodness of her heart vouches for the hour long enough for me to run up and see Mrs. Stephens. I only have time now & then to take little peeps out to see the weather which my friends is dismal enough.
March Sunday, 23 1873.
Into a visit with Elizabeth Stuart Phelps. I don't know just how it came about but up in my room it was so still and warm and nice and I felt so far away & lonely for the tired man at the well that I couldn't help thinking of Elizabeth Stuart Phelps. I almost always think of her when I want the tired man at the well. So we went to visiting and I feel more like [life] than I have in a long time. "How can I complain and talk of burdens to a man on a cross?"
March Monday, 24 1873.
Into losing my breath and catching it. It had to come about that Aggie must go back to the Maggie [...] and Annie Murrays and all the rest, and it had to come about that today was the day in which she was to go. I had exultant hopes the train would be on time. It came twenty minutes late which was a century to me who had [...] way and breath to catch!
Dannie builds hopes on a promising family of young chicken Footes. He is chicken hearted. When will [seventeen] eggs be launched out from those ill-begotten hens?
March Tuesday, 25 1873.
Into an opening future for the Natural History Class. A pleasant man hailing from West Haven dawns upon us.We're to do unheard of things. We are carefully authorized to send him eggs, also to go en masse to Dr. Ponds.
I came home to the measure of jubilate [Drs], and shut the valves-cool down and am for the rest of the day very unlike the irrepressible Charlie. Very!
March Wednesday, 26 1873.
Into this way for the Normal School! People are finding us out. They swarm to borders and we nice in self return!
Ella [Mills] Latin has its ups and downs. This week chiefly downs, but with all the halts its a deal of comfort.
Mr. and Mrs. Cole are summoned. I shall after a time get more accustomed to the society of eminent persons.
March Thursday, 27 1873.
Into scientific explorations. We manage it with our usual adroitness, very usual, very adroit. On the way to and from we plan a few things. We will make a collection of eggs, of nests, of birds, of insects, of cocoons, of stones, of herbariums. We will be let into the mysteries of stuffing birds. We find ourselves at the house where our explorations end & begin. We look upon Audubon's creations with awe. We go home to dream of birds, of eggs, of nests, of insects, of cocoons, of stones, of herbariums, of Dr. Pond.
March Friday, 28 1873.
Into a long pull and a pull a good while. It means school. A day of quick gaspings in [with]. Of giant strides in grammar, of much ado about nothing in Thomson of clutching at and panting in Botany. Of crawling in Orthography, of leaping for joy in National History, of feeling along in History and going at Algebra in gun boats! What does anything mean for me but School?
There is not the least token of spring in anything. Only dreary piled up masses of snow, and winds that blow at you awfully cross. And just see how patient I have been for so long.
March Saturday, 29 1873.
Into [dura catina in liber poena desidera ti], English cannot express it, go reverently to Latin. How much drudgery can be squeezed into one day and that a leaky Scrooge like A.M. - M - O P.M. in March. I shall know hereafter more definitely than hitherto.
I decide upon dire contemplation to institute for Frances a new regimen in what goes down my throat, down on the pillow, and where tooth picks are desirable.
Will my jolly friend teach me his secret?
Farewell Nat. History, Grammar, Plural Numbers & [Pl...], Parts of verbs and birds & birds & verbs.
March Sunday, 30 1873.
Into the New Testament. Part of it. Thinking of the dear, near holy [price] that came with my visit with E.S.P. I trace mother for a fire upstairs again this Sunday and bless her dear heart. What does she refuse me. I install myself in the chair and try Sydney Curtin for company. I wait for the Sabbath pure and it comes not. Out doors it drizzles and drips. I think every little while. I'll attend to Sydney Curtin in a few minutes when I'm tired.
The day [dies] but even in its quickly gathered gamuts of [cloud] & storm it leaves me a large blessing. I pray for entire conversion and utter forgetfulness of self. Mrs. Sanford must be [...] with me.
March Monday, 31 1873.
Into what may be for my darling Sue. I can't think of anything else. The words seem, to take me into a great dark and the glory and beauty of my isn't far off. July have vanished, even in this March weather. Only that pain and darkness hasn't me. There is no help for the darkness, except coming close to know, and Sue will.
Of the real whole best is to be seen revealed to her. Who are we that we should hold her from the vision. O, that pain and darkness! But we cling simply. We can tell even a man on a cross in such hours for he so loved!
April Tuesday, 1 1873.
Into looking this way and that way and all ways. Every one looks so imminent, so wisely honest. Why should we suspect mischief lurking in every passing before? But suddenly all are on the [...] vive and I the unsuspecting victim of plans innumerable succumb! The walking, Heaven defend us from much more like it. If I only could vow or swim, or fly. Why can I not fly?
Can we walk in that stream my friends? Can we walk in that stream? Why, my friends? I write to see full accounts of Dan and the hens.
April Wednesday, 2 1873.
Into being a water bird! I belong to the family of waders sub-class Water Birds. Class Mammalia - Brach - Vertebrates!
If I could only manage to see any way through but I can't. There's the water and the snow, and the natural organ designed to thaw and make good walking has not been heard from this week. Alas! We have faith and the Dolly, but no sunshine!
I wonder when I get time to, what things mean which I hear. I dare to hope the missing link will be missing next year, but I don't hurry to hope so.
April Thursday, 3 1873.
Into James Smith's segments. When segments present the form of a yam!
Our cabinet of Natural History begins! A pigeons wing! We look imploringly for glass cases! Note. Our [rat] we had to throw away! All our segments present the form of a ......
Mother says, "Come go and hear Comical Brown". I depose and say what a young maiden of propensities would be expected to say under those distressing circumstances!
I take up the hill braving morasses and swamps to see Jennie my girl!