Vassar College Digital Library

Adee, Ellen (Skeel). Diary, 1869-1870

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Much of this volume focuses on Adee's year-long absence from Vassar College due to sickness, presumably typhoid fever. Adee became sick in October, 1868, during the first semester of her senior year. She spent a short time at Vassar's infirmary before returning home to her family in Balmville, a hamlet of Newburgh, New York, to recover. She was able to return to the college in 1869 and graduate one year late, in 1870, though she maintained an allegiance to the class of 1869. Her diary covers subjects from religion (she details her membership in St. Georges Episcopal Church in Newburgh) to her academic challenges (specifically oration and elocution) and reflections on her time at Vassar, her graduation from the college, and her Vassar degree.

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: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869001


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869003
Diary of Ellen (Skeel) Adee, '70, kept during 1869/70.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869007
Private Journal--being a brief record of the thought and deeds for one year.

"Man is doomed to disappointment as the sparks fly upward"


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869009
New Year's Day -- 1869

Snow, sleet and wind usher in the
new-year! It is a wild day, and drifting
snow is piled up on the window-sills. All
Nature is robed in the purest white, em-
blematical of the pure year just come in.

How differently I now expect to spend
the winter, to what I once did--only
three months ago!

The year just past has been one
of considerable importance, and such a one
that there is no danger of its being
forgotten even though not here

We have had to-day only six
calls--it requires a person of energy
to venture out to-day.
I have just received a beautiful
Christmas present from Theron. it is a
pair of gold glove fasteners--something
which I have always wanted. He also
sent a present to Addie. The letter written
from Flora later is very interesting.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869010
The first Sunday in the Year 1869.
I went to church to-day--
the first Sunday since October. I enjoyed
the service very much, although I was
rather tired before it was over, and
did not feel able to stay through
the Communion.
Dr. Irving preached a sermon which
I liked very much. "To him that
overcometh will I give to sit with me
on my throne; even as I overcame
and am seated on my Father's throne"
This promis applies alike to all
who will enlist under Christ's ban-
ner to overcome the world--to fight
for the right and to pray for the
right as long as life shall last. To
all who faithfully fight is the victory--
after the conquest the crown.
Notice of Mrs. Clarkson's death was
given out in church. How sad it is!
I think now that I am quite
well although not quite as strong as
before I was sick. My longest walk has
been to the barn, and that was quite
long enough, I found.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869011
Monday, Jan. 4th 1869.
Carrie Clapp called to see Adelaide
and me, this morning, and interested us
much by her accounts of the College. I
was always anxious to know whether the
students ... knew how ill some of the girls
in the Infirmary were. Carrie said that
Dr. Raymond announced one morning in
chapel how many were sick, how many
had the typhoid, and how many were
dangerously ill. She said there was
such a feeling of gloom pervading the
College that it was necessary for the
girls to know truly the state of the
Miss Hubbard has obtained the
President's permission to graduate with '69.
He refused Fanny Hoyt on the ground
that she was too young--her mind
shattered by so long an illness could
better grapple the higher sciences
after one year's repose etc. This
seems very just, but nothing could be
more unjust than to allow some to
graduate, and not others.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869012
The glove box that I have
been working on since Christmas is
at last finished. It is very pretty,
but not quite so well made as
I hoped. I think I have forgotten
how to sew, at least my hand is
not so steady as it was.
Adelaid and I walked to the
barn to be weighed--Addie weighs
ninety-eight pounds, I one hundred
and twelve. I certainly am gaining
in weight and also in strength. I
went to the barn a week ago and
was not able to go up the steps at
the house.
Lizzie Heard called to
say good-bye, as she is going
to New York to spend the
winter. I am very sorry for I
counted a great deal on seeing
her this winter. Laura George will
also be away, but I do not lament
her loss as much.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869013
Friday, Jan 8th
I wrote to Dr. Raymond to-day
to ask if I might come back in
February and graduate with my class in
June. I expect he will refuse, and even
if he does not, I expect Papa will
if he does not my health will, if it
does not Mamma will, if she does
not my hair will, if my hair does
not very probably I shall not want
to go back myself, and receive high
wages although I enter at the eleventh
hour. Still it can do no harm to
write for at present I am very anx-
ious to return. I feel as if it
was time I should be at work
again. I have lost so much time
by being sick, that I can not
afford to lose any more. On the
other hand although I am doing well
I am not strong, and am easily
tired and I am aftraid of tiring
myself too much. At present I
have a tooth ache and shall
write no more.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869014
Saturday evening
As I write this we are waiting for
the Erie train to come up. Mamma
and Lucy are in New-York, and are
coming up to-night.
There is a different kind of a
feeling that one has on Saturday
evening to any other. I don't know
why it is, but I think I could
always tell when Saturday came
even if no one told me.
I have take a great fancy to
letter writing, so I have not time
to write any more to-night.
Tuesday morning.
What a glorious morning! Every branch
and twig is encased in ice and covered
with a fresh fall of snow. In many
places great branches are broken
by their weight of beauty and
lie on the ground surrounded by
lesser twigs--
P.M. Aunt Elvenah is visiting us.
I went out coasting this morning.
I find my strength is returning slowly.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869015
Another beautiful morning. I was out
before breakfast enjoying the beautiful
scene. As the sun rose over the hills
into the cloudless blue sky, the effect
was truly wonderful.
Mary Moore has not come
back yet and Lulu & I have cleared
up the dining room and our own
room. I am afraid I am growing
very lazy, for since I was sick, I
am cautioned continually not to
over fatigue myself, and I often
spend a day in not doing anything
of importance. I intended to
read my "Haven" every day, but I
have not carried out my resolutions
very well. Even my journal I
neglect, so I suppose I must
go back to the old baby rule
"a time for everything etc."
I took a most beautiful ride this
afternoon. through "Lovers lane." The scene was
enchanting--as beautiful as fairy land.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869016
I received yesterday my reply
from the Faculty of the College. Miss
Avery wrote it and said in the
shortest manner that it would
not be possible for me to return.
Still I am glad I wrote, for if
I had not known the decision
of the Faculty, I should be thinking
all the time that I might to
go back. Now, even if I am not
pleased, I can do nothing. I think
Miss Avery might have written
a pleasanter note to me, and at
least said she was sorry that
I could not return this year. How-
ever I suppose she is indifferent
whether I go to Vassar or Hong-Kong.
I wonder if I should go back,
if she would be pleasant as she
used to be, or if she would not
pay any attention tome Time may
Father brought home a breast- ...
for Mamma tonight. It is lovely


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869017
Saturday evening. Jan. 16th.
Miss Lyman wrote me a lovely
letter this morning, expressing her joy at
my recover, and inviting Lulu and me
to come up spend a day and night
at the College. How kind it was of her
to write when she is so busy. She always
was lovely though. What a contrast
to-day's letter was to the huffy epistle
of yesterday.
My hair is decidedly on the
decline Half a dozen short stubby
hairs are all that remains of my
once lovely tresses! Every one has
a different opinion to give on the
subject--shaving, shingling, etc. Most
people encourage me that it will
come in curly. Ah! Would that it
would! At the present my head
resembles a homely, not to say
hideous appearance. Adelaide's is
very becoming to her, especially
when it is crimped.
I wrote to Miss ... last evening.
I wonder if she can read my letter, it


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869018
was of course full of mistakes; still
it was the best I could do
and I thought she would like
it better than an English one.
I want to have some of the
girls down to see me this winter,
but I think I will wait till
my hair comes in a little. But
by the present appearances, if I
wait for that I may wait for
years, and I may wait forever, so
why do I wait. Query? Echo answers
Tuesday, Jan. 19th.
I had such a nice dream last
night. I thought I was back at
the College, and all the girls were
so glad to see me. I wonder if I
really should go back, if all would
be glad to see me!
I am working now on my
black water-proof dress--lengthening--
facing, and mending it. I do not
sew very fast, but I hope the
dress will be finished before
the snow is gone.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869019
Mrs. Jenkins is going to New York with
the children, while Mr. Jenkins contem-
plates a voyage in some direction, he
knows not where. We shall miss
them very much, for they are our
pleasantest and most sociable
It is a lovely morning: fresh fallen
snow lies on all the branches of the
trees, and the hemlocks are weighed
down with their weight of beauty.
Saturday, Feb. 6.
I wrote to Emma ...
this morning inviting her to pass next
Friday with me. I want to see her so much
but I am afraid she can not come
for I know she is very busy, and
besides it is a good way for her to
come alone.
I feel rather blue this afternoon
although I can not tell exactly why. I rode
to Marlborough yesterday, and was so very
tired that I could not sleep, so to-day I
do not feel very well. I am much disappointed
in my strength--I thought I was entirely well
but Dr. Avery said it would be all winter before
I felt as I used to feel.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869020
Sunday, Feb. 7th, 1868
I went to St. George's this morning, and
received the Communion for the first
time since I was sick. I could
not help thinking of the last
time I took the Communion. It
was at the Holy comforter, the
first Sunday in October. I remember
as I knelt at the altar railing, thinking
what a calm sheltered place it
was, and how soon all peaceful
thoughts would leave when I went
back again to my daily occupations. And
I remember praying that I might
be kept in safety and free from
temptation till I knelt there again!
But how little did I think what
would happen before I went to
that Church again. On the next
Saturday I was taken sick, and the next
Communion Sunday, I lay on the bed
unable to move, and now, in February
is the first time since the. How
fortunate it is that we can not foresee
what will happen.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869021
Ash Wednesday, Feb. 10th, 1868

Here I am before breakfast writing my journal. One resolution I have made, and that is that I will get up a little earlier. If I only can resist the first impulse to go to sleep again all is right. Now I have resolved if it is seven or after to get up immediately I have lost all my faith in habit, especially about early rising. No one could have risen early (at six AM) more regularly than I, but how much good did it do me, as to forming a habit. Not a particle, and I actually used to make up my mind to sleep late when I could so as to make up for early rising so many days. Perhaps lying in bed eight weeks undid the good habit I might have fallen into!

I am going to hear Dr. Irving this morning, and I am quite anxious to hear what he will have to say on the subject of fasting


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869022
I have heard so many different
ideas on the subject, that I
hardly know where I am. I remem-
ber last year my opinions as
regards fasting, or rather not
fasting, were received as almost
heretical by the Church girls. I
always have a respect for those
who keep Lent earnestly, but I
myself do not know exactly how
far to go. I always have thought it
right to give up gaieties such as
opera, theater, parties and dancing, but
as regards fasting I am undecided I
think it is well to deny oneself
something, so as always to bear in
mind what season of the Church
it was. And I think Lent is the
time to watch more closely one's
conduct, so as always to be willing
to deny one's self for others. I hope I
can attend the services at Church for
I am sure they will be pleasant and
profitable God grant that I may keep
the fast in a profitable manner!


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869023
We had a call last night from C.
Allan. I think he rather improves: we
had quite a pleasant call.
Mary is in New York now. The break-
fast bell has interrupted my writing
so adieu, chere journal for the
Feb. 12th.,Friday evening
I went yesterday to the wedding
at church--Helen Hathaway & Mr. Low of
Albany. She was married in her travelling
dress, and did not look over and above
nice--perhaps her dress was not becoming
I do not like the way Dr. Brown
marries people--he gives too many directions.
Of course the service can not fail to
be impressive and beautiful, but it loses
much of its beauty when the
minister gives his directions to "kneel--
join hands--repeat after me etc in so
loud a tone as to be heard all
over the church. I think on the
whole I like the ceremony better
when performed at home. Both
ways have their advantages--


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869024
What a sweet little baby Elliot Brown is. I played with him an hour this afternoon and I think I never saw a better or friendlier baby. Poor Mrs. William Brown does not improve in spirits. Mrs. Brown seemed to be much discouraged about her. It is constantly a sad case. Miss Church called here to-day. She says Louise Delano does not improve any. What a hard trial it is to undergo! For seven years now she has been suffering from this disease. It must be a crushing sorrow indeed.

I called on Ash Wednesday on Mrs. Miller - our gardener's wife. She has three sweet little children - a baby three months old - a bright cunning little thing. I left little Tillie a little rose bush that I bought at the greenhouse and the child seemed delighted. When one sees how little it takes to make others happy we wonder how we can be so selfish.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869025
I expected Emma Sweeteer to spend Sunday
with me, but she has written she can
not come. I am really very very much
disappointed, but I know she is very busy
and it would not be well for her to
leave College now.
Oh dear, if I had intended graduating
now would have been the time to
return, as the new semester begins
this week! Some body asked me which I
regretted most, the loss of my hair or
of my College course. My College course I
think now. Hair will grow, but I never
can graduate with '69 now. I believe
there never was a nicer class: even
conceited '68 could hardly boast smarter
members than Stilson, Glidden etc. I
think there are but three or four
exceptions to the class, and perhaps if
I were better acquainted even those few
would come up to the standard. Even if
I do graduate with '70, I shall always
call '69 my class, and never exchange
"Luft ... Luft" for any other
motto--be it what it may!


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869026
Glossy curls have not yet taken
the place of stubby brown hairs
The other day, when a little fellow
called out "I say, young lady where's
your hair" I did feel as if I must
be a sight indeed. However when
I put on my cap, in the evening, I
do not look so frightful. Indeed I
think it is quite an improvement.
to my appearance. If my hair
were long again, how I would
enjoy it!
I am growing so fat that I
now refuse to tell my weight. To you
dear journal, I confide the fact
that at 120 the lever does not
fall! At that point I jump
off. I fear I will be a second
Lizzie Farrington in a short time! Still
I am very well, and ought to
be very thankful I am sure. Ash-
Wednesday I walked to St. Paul's
and was delighted to find that
I was not over-fatigued.
We had a nice letter from Theron.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869027
to-day, dated Jan. 16. It does take an
age to get letters from him. He has
just heard of Adelaide's relapse. Good
gracious--bad news travelled slow in
that case
Addie & I contend who is stronger
she or I. Poor little Lulu one could
almost blow away, while I am as
strong and well as Mrs. Hercules. She
really thinks she is stronger than I.
What a ridiculous idea!
I have written to Aunt Jane to-
night; I should have done it weeks
ago. I would like to make her a
present, but I am undecided what
to make--a braided bureau cover
I think will do pretty well.
Lulu and I read Moliere every
day now, for a little while in
the morning; so with Addie's Virgil
and Rufie's lessons, I hope my
mind will not all run to waste. I
mean to begin German soon, but as I
have lost both dictionaries, I can not
make much progress at present.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869028
Thursday morning

I have nothing d'un instance a ecrie ce matin, mais comme Lucie m'a prie de rester ici quesqu'elle a finie su lecon je tacherai d'etre obligeante.

Adelaide et moi lisont tous les jours une drame de Moliere "Le Misanthrope". Ce n'est pas tres interessante, mais je pense qu'elle nous improve.

Hier matin je suis alle au matins dans la chappelle de St. George.

Hier au soir Ch. Allan est venu nous voir . Je pense qu'il n'est pas bien agreable, mais c'est ... aus agreable de parle a un etrangere, qu'est-ce qu'il sait.

Cette recorde est la premiere chose que j'ai ecrit dans la langue Francaise depuis que j'etais malade.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869029
Wednesday, March 3rd.
I have wanted to write a
record for several days, but I have
not really had time: this
morning at half past six I will
improve the opportunity to pen
a few lines
We have had so much sick-
ness in our house for the past
week! Mamma and Anna are
yet sick in bed with the catarrh
fever--both have been sick since
last week. Adelaide Lucy and
Rufie have had the epidemic cold
in a milder manner, but have been
in bed some two or three days. Mary
& I have had to work hard enough
to take care of these invalids, and
inasmuch as we have no waitress
and Ganon is not remarkable for
her adaptability to circumstances
we have had quite enough to do.
Dr Ginton daily prophesizes that
we will be victims to the cold, but
so far we are very well


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869030
I had a letter from Nellie Babcock
yesterday, in which she tells me
of the honors of our class. Annie
Glidden has the valedictory--as
she is president it is very well--
Susie Wright has the poem --
Nellie the German essay--and
Miss Daniels the Salutatory.
Comment! why did they appoint
My hair is coming in very nicely
but I fear it will not be curly. Alas!
Fannie Hart sent me her photograph
in return for mine. Her hair is
very curly and so pretty. I don't
wonder she does not mind it much.
Adelaide and I are once more
established in the oaken room in
the third story. It seems like old
times to be there again
Kate ... have been staying
here for a few days but left last
week. Martha Bull has also been
here. She is the brightest, most
engaging child I ever saw.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869031
Saturday, March 6th.
We have just finished a game of
whist, not a very interesting one to
be sure, but still I think the more
we play the better I like it.
Mary is reading a story out of the
Churchman aloud to Rufie and
consequently there is considerable
to divert my attention
All our invalids are at last well--
we really had quite a sick time.
I walked to vespers yesterday
after noon--Dr. Brown officiated--Why
does not Mr. Applegate ever hold any
Oh by the way, Mr. Applegate called
yesterday to ask some of us to be
collectors for the Benevolent society at
St. Georges. It is not a very pleasant
office certainly, but I will go to the
Society some time just to see what they
do. Mr. Irving called Thursday. He
is certainly a very delightful
person to talk to.
A real blustering March day!


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869032
The 8th of March
A day in New-York with
Mary. A day of shopping &
then a call at Aunt Annie's, and
a nice time to see and to
play with little Roswell.
Every one who saw me to-
day congratulated me on my
recovery. Some people would
hardly believe that I had been
sick. Well really I am re-
markably well. It sometimes
comes over me with a gush of
thankfulness that I have so
entirely recovered.--that I was
not left blind, or deaf or lame
or any such thing. I don't think
of it until I see some one
who is so afflicted and then
I think how ungrateful, or
rather how unappreciative I
am of all that I have.
Emmet Deyo went down in
the Erie with us. He is
quite nice.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869033
9.45 Tuesday evening, March 9th
By a candle, in our oaken chamber
We have been having quite an earnest
discussions to-night about different Church
doctrines, especially about Communion
Mary held that the Communion celebrates
only the memorial supper of our Lord, and
was not to her really holier than ordinary
bread and wine taken in solemnity and with love.
I think that there is something. (I know
not what.) which makes the consecrated
bread and wine holier than ordinary
bread and wine. I do not see how
anyone can take the Communion without
feeling that it was sacred, though whether
sanctified by priest or prayer or place I
can not tell. It is not transubstantiation
I believe, for how could the bread be
the body of Christ, when Christ in
body gave the bread. But as
our Lord was present at the Last
Supper, so is he even present with
his followers when they commemorate
his dying love
If I thought that it was only


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869034
bread & wine. I do not see how
it should require so reverence, and
why we should be so exhorted to
try and examine ourselves before we
partook of that holy sacrament.
I remember however when
I used to think what seems so
strange to me now, and how
erratic and even wicked I held
those who then stood where
I do now. Truly there is nothing
more needed than charity toward
others! Oh Lord who has taught us
that all our doing without charity are
nothing worth; send thy Holy Ghost and
pour into our hearts that most
excellent gift of charity, the very
bond of peace and of all virtues.
without which whosoever liveth is
counted dead before thee. Grant this
for thine only Son Jesus Christ's sake
It is late. long past ten o'clock
and Adelaide is sleeping so I must
put out my candle--Good night


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869035
Evening, March 14.
Such a good sermon as we had
this morning, "Casting all your care
upon him for he careth for you."
Such a comforting thought that
there is always One who knows our
wants and ... and will always
send us what is best!
Oh so often it seems to me
that I am leading such a worth-
less life--as if I were not helping
along the world's work! And often
in the evening I think "Well what
is to-morrow after all--what will
I do of importance!" And in the
morning "Here is another day and
what shall I do to make it seem
worth while to live. Will this
never end?" While I was at College
I was busy--always studying and
I felt at least I was learning some
thing daily--Ah! If we all only knew--
"The common round, the trivial task
Should furnish all we ought to ask
Room to deny ourselves--a road
To bring us daily nearer God"


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869036
As I look back on the past
four or five years I can think
of so many things, which were
once incomprehensible and now
are so plain. And things that
once seemed so great now seem
Oh! so trivial. I am speaking
now of earthly things only, not
spiritual. But I suppose
that all God's doings with us,
which our feeble imagination
can not fathom, will one day
shine out clearly, and his
great plans will be plain. It
may be irreverent to write
this in connection, but I wonder
if I will ever know why
I could not finishe my course
at College as I have so long
wished! I believe I am
old-fashioned enough to believe
that sickness, (in some cases not
all) is sent as a visitation from
God as a trial for our faith, &
not as a punishment for our sins.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869037
7.30 Monday, March 15
"The ides of March" are come and
with them snow sleet and rain
enough to prevent my riding on
horseback. I was foolish to ex
pect to ride for the Ides are
always unlucky.
"The ides are come, but not gone."
Monday March 22nd
Half past six & I have had
breakfast and been out doors for
a little run. Such a beautiful
morning as it is. Really one
does rather commiserate those
foolish people who lie in bed
these bright fresh glorious
Douglas Hilyer went home this
morning--Fannie stays a few
days longer.
I have asked Bessie S... to
spend Easter here, & I count a
great deal on seeing her. I hope
she will come.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869038
The other day when I was
walking on the road, past Mr.
Downings, I heard a shuffling
heavy tread behind me, and
turning saw a man following me.
He was a rough shabby fellow,
his clothes torn and ragged; a
red beard and a ...
ill-natured expression. I saw
this at a glance, for he came
up along side of me & said
"Come along!" I walked a little
slower in hopes he would pass
by, but no, he accomodated his
pace to mine. I hurried a little
he the same. I again walked
slower, but he touched me on the
shoulder and said roughly " I say
come along. By this time we
were at St. John's lane, and I
turned down hoping he would
go on. He did, but to my
dismay he soon returned and
stood looking down at me. I
thought the lane was a


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869039
good place for a tragedy, a
way-side murder, so to speak, but
still I was unspeakably glad when
I turned in at Mr. Downing's
little gate, and so go home. I
suppose the man only wanted
to frighten me, but it was
not over and above pleasant.
There is not so much
interest in keeping my journal
while Lulu is away. I wishe
she were home again
We have begun our German
lessons with ... ... . I hope
we shall like him. Certainly
a lesson at six P. M. does
not take much of one's time.
To-day the dentist, dress-maker
and German occupy my time.
If I did not have to go to
the dentist! ugh! it makes my
teeth stand on edge to think of
it. But there is no help but
to "grin and bear it." Very little
grinning will there be in my case.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869040
Easter Day--1869
Christ is risen--Christ is
risen indeed! So the bells seem
to sing it out on the bright
morning. What a glorious
day it is and how all Nature
seems to rejoice. Glory in the
At St. Paul's how sweet
the service was--only with such
indifferent music the service was
not triumphant enought[sic]. The
Communion was dearer and holier
than ever. What blissful moments
so overflowing with deep joy and
great love one has at that
sweet and solemn service. Oh
what a glorious Easter Day it
was a yearago at Trinity.
I think I never felt so
lifted above earthly things as
on that day, kneeling at that
sacred Altar and hearing those
grand triumphant chants. It did
seem as if in the T...


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869041
we were borne up on high to
magnify in the highest with
angel and arch angel.
But happy as we are
how infinitely more happy must
those ... and living disciples
have felt as they looked in at
the sepulcher on that Easter
morning nearly two thousand
years ago. To feel that he
had risen indeed--triumphed
over Death, and would ever
more reign supreme! Strange
that what happened centuries
ago can so affect people! And
yet it is so and on this
beautiful glorious morning the
bells are ringing all over the
land proclaiming His Resur-
rection and Triumph. To-day
is indeed the High Feast
of the Lamb--the day of
the greatest triumph and
proof of our Christian religion.
Gloria tibi Domine!


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869042
Easter Monday--
With two wedges
in one's mouth--the prospect of
the extraction of a large molar
and the rain pouring incessantly
is one to blame if she does
not feel at the acme of earthly
bliss? Right or wrong such
are my feelings to-day--not
strictly blue, but slightly dyed
with indigo. Dr. Straw
wants to take out one of
my teeth--the nerve is exposed
consequently filling at present is
a decidedly painful operation. The
choice lies between agony for a
minute and pain for an
hour. Ach! I shudder to
think of it.
As I write my spirits
rise. Really I think one
use of a journal is that when
you really write down your feelings
in black and white, you often see that
how foolish they are and so drive


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869043
tham away altogether. True
or not true it is so to-day,
and my blues have all
vanished. Now for
Lucy's Latin.
Wednesday evening
We have been talking
to-day on Newburgh society--a dread-
fully tiresome subject I always find,
for we always end in a quarrel, & decide
that we can do nothing without
gentlemen. To-day we have been
talking about a reading, and
we have as usual differed very
much. Mary misunderstood what
I said, and represented me un-
fairly to Mamma--said I said
I would rather sew than have
a reading. It was a silly
thing to get mad at, I know,
but I do hate to be misrepresented.
Oh well, sic est vita.
Marie Stuart is very interesting--
... is not the most entertaining
creature in the world, though, to be sure.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869044
First Sunday after Easter
Kept home from church this
morning by a swelled face (thanks
to Straw's manipulations) I amused
myself by reading Dr. Taylor's
sermons. I like one on th
"Intermediate Site" especially. There
is one verse on which he particularly
founds his belief in the state between
this and Heaven. Besides Christ's
promise to the thief that "He
should that day be with him
in Paradise," St. Paul makes
mention of it. "He (meaning Christ)
having suffered in body but
quickened in spirit, preached
unto those souls in prison, which
sometime were disobedient when
once the long-suffering of God waited
in the days of Noah" I am sure
no one need doubt that there
is a place where disembodied
spirits await the last day of
the world. The Ancients had this
idea in their Hades--


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869045
Why is Charity greater than Faith or Hope? Because "Faith shall be last in sight, Hope swallowed up in Fruition, but Charity shall constitute our happiness in Heaven for deathless ages to come."

What an interminable day this has been - I don't know what I would do if I never went to Church! I have read and read and read till I am tired; I never like to write letters on Sunday, - the weather is not pleasant to go out and I wish Mamma and Father would come home from Mrs Jenkins' so that I could invoke [Somnus?] to wave her leafy branch over me - that I might fall in to the arms of Morpheus and embraced by Nature's sweet restores falling sleep, so knit up the ravelled sleep of care thatI may at earliest dawn brush with husky slips the dews away and meet the sun on the upland lawn. Bona nox!


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869046
Adelaide and I have started a start-
lingly original game--giving each other's
faults and virtues-- ... honor!

1. Average in appearance
2. Average in mental qualities
3. Well educated but not accomplished
4. Jealous
5. Very fond of teasing
6. Not at all fascinating.
7. Affectionate
8. Grateful
9. Cheerful but not lively.
10. A bad writer and worse reader.
11. Obstinate and rather persevering
12. Kind hearted. April 4th.
13. When I do like a person very fond
of them.
This my testimony. I, the unprejudiced.
1. Very popular because of posessing in a great
measure the domestic virtues.
2. Beauty a little above average, more from
because of bright coloring and general
toning down of features and bright pleasing


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869047
expression than from any striking classical
3. Unyielding, but forgiving readily--never
asking to be forgiven.
4. Studious--very much above ordinary
young women of only one score.
5. Amiable--very-very. Not absolutely
fascinating but universally liked and
6. Good company. Very, very witty. Very
7. Not very thoughtful. not at all
inconsiderate but a student more
from habit than taste.
8. Not much of a reader.
9. Withal affectionate, very lovely, my
favorite sister and every where con-
ceeded to be the "flower of the family."

Oh my prophetic soul! Does the
little chit dare to write such
trash in my journal! I wonder
if an impartial judge would not
write me down much blacker.
"O wad some power the gift ee gee'us--
To see ourselves as others see us.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869048
April 23. Saturday morning 6.30
What a glorious morning &
how glad I am that I am
up to enjoy it, instead of
sleeping away the pleasantest
hours of the day. O here I
am praising myself with
running down others! Well " It
is better to sleep than to
wake to mark the faults of
I have at last entered the
Balmville Sunday school work. I
know I shall like it. To be
sure I have only the babies--
children ranging from four to
nine, but I like to teach
them very much.
I am deceiving myself, I fear
with the hope that my hair
curls a very little. Just a little
wavy I think, but it will be so
much prettier than straight
hair, that I am very contented.
We are all deciding whether


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869049
we shall go to St. Pauls or
take a pew again in St. Georges
for the coming year. If Mr. Irving
leaves, I for one move to St. G. There the
music is fine, the service well read
and the sermon short & indifferent.
At St Pauls a pleasanter church &
congregation, very poor music, inferior
sermon, service indifferently read, but
an attentive congregation. Which is
the "higher Church" I don't know--
still I think St Georges is my
Next week Anna & I go
to Po'keepsie for a few days. I
shall enjoy so much seeing Aunt
Jane and all the family at
the Dale. But O how I
count on going to the College. To
see Misses Lyman, Ragg, Brauslin--
Avery, and all the dear girls
What a nice time I will have,
and yet I may feel very sad
to see how near the time of
graduating has come for '69.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869050
I had such a sweet peculiar
dream, a night or two ago.
I seemed to be carried
back in spirit over nineteen
centuries, and to witness our
Lord's ministry on the earth.
First I heard the call of
Peter & Andrew to leave their
nets and follow him as his
disciples. I could see their look
of astonishment as they forsook
all and followed him. And I
seemed to be with them all
day, and hear his instructions
to all, his encouragement to
the doubters his parables
to the multitude and his
words of love to his dear
followers. At last after preaching
one day at evening each man
went to his own house, but
Jesus went into the Mount of
Olives.-- There I woke up,
but the remembrance of it went
with me all the day.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869051
St. Philip & St. James'day
Well what I have longed for
and hoped for and dreamed of
ever since last winter has at
last happened. The 29th has come
& gone, & with it--O such pleasure.
Let me go over in thought all
the pleasure of those twenty four
The morning of the 29th dawned
dark and cloudy, and by seven o'clock
the rain poured in torrents. Nothing
daunted, I took a carriage and at
12:30 I arrived once more at my
beloved College. Emma, Lillie, Nellie
and Lily, met me with joy, with the
warmest embraces, and heartfelt
affection. I went into the dining-
room immediately, but could
not pass the ... ...
without rushing in to see my
dearest Miss Ragg. Miss Lyman was
very glad to see me; I nodded to
Miss Avery, & she gave me a
cold, meaning, curious smile in return.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869052
I took my old seat at the
Senior table, & a general shaking
of hands ensued on all sides. To
my great joy Fannie Hoyt was
also at the College, and together
we revisited familiar scenes and
friends--the Infirmary and Matron's
room were not forgotten in our
Miss Whitney's eulogy on
Mr. Vassar was finely delivered
and beautifully written, but I must
say in my heart of hearts, I
thought she spoke of our
Founder more as a saint than a
mortal. The singing and other
exercises in chapel did credit to
the College. Lou Jewett sat
... me--Anna came out to
hear the exercises, and altogether
I enjoyed everything very much.
A supper in the ... with Bessie
and "our-set", and a sweet good
night from Caecilae finished the
evening. My first waking


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869053
thoughts were joy that I was in the
College. I summoned up my
courage to call with Bessie on
Miss Avery. She received us civilly
but not with much affection. Miss
A. is in my opinion, "Fickle, false
and hard to please." It is amusing
to see how her old friends have
dropped off. Mamie, Lily etc care
nothing now for her. I wonder if
she herself cares. Misses Brauslin
and Clark were lovely.--especially
the former--but Oh--Oh! Oh!!!
[several lines of German]
asked after our German teacher
and seemed much interested--also
she asked me to write to her. [a
German quote] Nell lent me
her ... and I mean to
read it all. Oh how much
I wish I were in our old German
class. How much I could learn!


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869054
But O dear Miss Lyman asked
me why I was not more reconciled
to not graduating. (beautifully
expressed sentence) I never will
be reconciled, and I am sure
I can never see why it was that
that partial Faculty refused to
let me come back. Fannie
and I alone are left out. One
thing comforts me and that is
that all my class-mates agree
that I should have returned
That is a great consolation. Miss
Lyman was as lovely as she
could be. O how much I do
like her. she seems almost perfect.
She begged me to come back
next year.--so did Dr. Raymond--
and almost all the girls--Shall I
do it?
Well my [German word] day was
over at last--joy upon joy--
unsullied bliss! I was very sorry
to leave, but perhaps it was
well to leave with such a


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869055
delightful remembrance of what
had happened--perhaps if I
had stayed longer, something un-
pleasant might have happened. But
every one was so affectionate, so loving
so sweet -- O what a nice time
I had. Bessie returned home
with me and completed my joy.
It is time this sentimental
record was finished--so here
now ends my record of the joy of April
29th, Founder's Day, 1869.
[quote in German]
Wednesday morning.
I rode out on Puck yesterday to
see Hattie C. Poor child, she seems
to be very lonely. She was alone
with the children, and seemed very
glad to see me. We had a nice
old-fashioned talk about Vassar,
my leaving it, whether we should
ever return, Marian Smith, etc etc
I hear her Father is getting
better, I am sure I hope it
is true.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869056
Ascension Day.
The service at St. Paul's this
morning was lovely. I went
down with Julia Le Roy, and
after service we stayed and
talked with Dr. & Mrs.
Irving. I would like to
write more, but must hear
Adelaide & Lucy's Latin.
If I could only have
taken my journal with me
how much I could have
written and how interesting it
would have been, to have
reviewed the little incidents
so often occuring in the
cars. But now how dull
it is, weeks after my de-
lightful trip is over, to write
that I have been to Detroit
and Cleveland and Utica
and Saginaw and Bay City!
I can only say I have enjoyed
the trip highly, and as I


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869057
wrote long ago, the pleasures and experiences can not be forgotten, even though not committed to pen and paper. At Niagara I must pause; there I did enjoy life in the highest. I should think those who live near those ever rushing waters must lead higher and better lives than those who are only surrounded with ever shifting clouds of men. For it seemed to me that the Almighty was present in that wondrous mighty tide, and that He was very near to all his children. It does not seem strange that the Indian should have worshiped it, as the abode of their Great Spirit! I have not said just what I mean - I have not well expressed my only half-known thought, but I feel within me something ore than I can express.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869058
Thursday. June. 1969.
I do dislike the expression
"The Lord's Day" so much. Are
not all days the Lord's. Why
do people only call one day
in seven his to whom all
things belong.
What is so lovely as a day in June?
Indeed the perfect days are
here. Oh that June would
always last--everlasting June,
not everlasting Spring?
I have been expecting Kittie
de Clerg to pass a few days
with me, but she can not
come. She is certainly very
pretty, witty and fascinating.
I don't see how people can
help liking here, but I never
thought her much of a
favorite. I am very sorry
that she can not visit me. I
am sure all at home would
like her.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869059
Thursday, June 24th, 1869
At last it is over! 69 has gone
out into the world a united loving
class, and Fannie and I alone are
left out. Together we sat in the
gallery and listened with forced
composure to the graduation essays
and poems, but when they ascended
the steps, and one by one received
those long-coveted, highly-prized
far-distant diplomas--it was
almost too much! Miss Lyman
met us both afterward and told us how
sorry she felt for us, and how she
hoped to see us next year. Well the
sympathy we received was delightful from
teachers and from 69 themselves. I fully
intend returning to graduate with
70, and although it will be hard--
very hard--to break off all old
associations with dear old 69, and
not to be received very cordially into
70, still in the long run I
am sure it will be better. Now
I can see no reason why I shall


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869060
not return, I am well, perfectly
well, and why should I not once
more be numbered with the
students of Vassar.
Miss Clark advised me
not to return. She has an idea
that I am not strong, and
she is afraid I shall not be
well through the year. I surely
value her opinion very highly, but I
am sure she mistakes for once. I am
well now, and if human means
can keep me well, then I
can receive my honors with 70 But
if it is decreed that I shall
again be disappointed, I can
do no more than submit, and
I hope and pray I may
have more resignation than
I have had this year.
Nell's essay was splendid
on [German title]. I was proud
to think that she was my
class-mate. The other exercises
all seemed good to me, but


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869061
such a prejudiced observer could
not judge with a critic's eye. Fare
well 69, -- will a finer class ever
leave again those College walls!
My pleasant visit to the Dale
was shorter than I would have
liked, but under the circumstance
I would rather come home, as I
could not help feeling a little
sad and mournful. Why can I
not drop the subject? Miss Clark
says "The agony is now over, you have
steeled your mind to bear it, and
now dismiss all thought of ever
graduating" Indeed I can not, and
I will return in Autumn.
July 1st.
Lovely June is over, and July comes
in cool and cloudy.
I called on Gertrude Parks this
afternoon, and as usual enjoyed my
call very much. Mr. Cherwood came
in to see me, and altogether it
was very agreeable. O I am so glad
to have Gertrude here.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869062
July 24th.
Daily and hourly are
we expecting Theron home, &
daily & hourly have we been
disappointed. To-day we are
still more hopeful, and every
minute expect to hear his
step at the door.
Fannie Hoyt has been
with me a week, and just
left. She is much quieter
than she was before she was
sick, but still she has not
much changed. We seem to
have so much in common Fan
& I! Class-mates, disappointed
in graduating, anxious to
return -- everything down to our
short curly hair seems to
draw us together. I do not
know exactly what makes us
companionable for she is neither
lively, nor entertaining, and those traits
I admire, but still she is very
dear to me.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869063
Tuesday, July 27th.
"Joyful greetings from sad farewells"
Wednesday evening, August 4th.
This rainy evening I will have
time for a short record of events
of little importance to anyone but me--
Ah! callers interrupt me.
Thursday, Aug. 19.
I called this morning, as I
have done for several days past, on
Mrs. .... I found her yet in
bed and the children buzzing
round hopelessly trying to do
the work. Poor woman--no
wonder that three month's
sickness has discouraged her! Think-
ing of the happiness of the
rich over the poor, and wondering
why blessings were so unevenly
divided, I walked home. At
home what a storm I found!
Aunt Jane, Harriet Anna
and Mary crying and quarrelling


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869064
over a ride, in which some
one of the aforementioned
people was slighted. Unkind
thoughts yet bite and rankle--
the pleasure of the day is
gone. I wonder if there
is such a difference in
blessings after all!
August 23rd.
"Oh gift of God! A perfect day
Wherein shall no man work but play
Wherein it is enough for me
not to be doing, but to be."
"Crowds of bees are giddy with clover
Crowds of grasshoppers skip at their feet
Crowds of larks at their matins hang over
Thanking the Lord for a life so sweet"
"This world is very beautiful, Oh my
God, I thank thee that I


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869065
Thursday, September 8th
I have postponed writing
this record for several days, for
although I have been flowing
over with subject matter, I have
been so enraged and excited that
I feared my record would be
more an exhibition of temper
than anything else. However
this evening while the storm
is a little less violent than
usual, I will compose my
temper enough to write
As usual the starting
point was "Early-rising." After
the usual excitement, we settle
on breakfast at six A.M. Next
question "How do we manage
to drag out the day in such
laziness--doing nothing from
morning till night! We will
all end in the poor house--a
set of people without back-bones
Well it is silly to recount
all the remarks--all may be


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869066
true, and there is only one
that I will not stand
and that is that "I pass
the day in laziness." I do not.
And I don't care who says I
do, with my last breath I
say "I don't pass the day idly."
The only two objections that
I have to all this talk are
First that it worries Mamma, &
second that I can not help
feeling badly that Father is
so disappointed in us. That all
our tempers, mine in particular
are being ruined is nothing, I suppose
It is ruffling to one's temper though
to have one's innocent amuse-
ments, politeness to one's
friends and even hand work
called picnics. Really I will
be glad when I get to studying;
I'll be glad, if it is only to have
the name of doing something--
any way Father will be pleased
and that is a great thing gained.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869067
But the conversation enrages me
so that it is all I can do to
keep from tears--tears of sorrow
and anger. Well to-morrow
I will keep my temper in
restraint, so perhaps after all
it may be an advantage to me.
Oh there is one more thing. In
the "Work work work" from
morning till night, company
is abolished, visiting prohibited
and parties regarded as sinful!!!!!
What is the use talking of
it? Let my favorite saying
"Sic est vita" console me, and
let me comfort myself in
the conclusion of the whole
matter by remembering that
this like other similar
storms will leave the sea
calmer, and in the beautiful
rhythmic words of the poet say
This world's a bubble, full of trouble--
Burst the bubble out comes trouble


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869068
Monday, Sept. 20.
Hurrah for the talent of Balmville!
G. St. J. Vail--Lucy Skeel--Ellie Skeel
Lena Shelton, F. Nicoll, H. Le Roy
in a champion croquet match and
the exulting victors bring home in
triumph a silver mallet--the
proof of their skill!
Saturday, Oct. 30th, 1869.
Again at Vassar! Once
more I am a member of this dear
old college--a participant in its
joys and miseries! Dark dreary
and desolate enough did it look
this morning when we were ushered
into a guest room, and told that
we were not expected and our
room was not prepared! It did not
strike me that Miss Lyman's
greeting was very cordial (nor Miss
Avery's either for that matter) but
I suppose she doesn't
care much whether we return or not.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869069
Since dinner I feel more at
home--I have been to see my
few friends and feel more at home--
the three hundred and fifty girls I
knew have left, and three hundred
and fifty new ones have come--there
are not a dozen girls here that I
know--if it were not for Adelaide
I would feel blue indeed. Still time is
a great alleviator of grief they say and
probably in a week I will be too
busy to give loneliness a thought.
Oh in case I am taken sick
this year, my anxious friends can
look back to this record and see
that I set my sign and seal
to this important line "I am
at present, October thirtieth, in per-
fect health."
Time is flying on, as it always
does here, and even now it is
almost dark; unlike most people as
the sun sets my spirits to-day seem
to rise, and soon I will be as
contented as ever--peut-etre.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869070
Oct. 31. Silent hour.
Well I am thankful that
this long Sunday is nearly over! It has
been a homesick day indeed. A
sermon from Dr. Loomis on the uncer-
taintly, frailty, and disappointments of
life did not improve matters. A hymn
on hell and its dangers, and a dirge
in conclusion set some of the girls in
tears and made them all feel
sad and desolate. It is no wonder
that I am lonely when all my
friends have left, and only Bessie
Fannie and Sarah are left! An hour
in Bessie's parlor with her pleasant
parlormates quite cheered me up and
I will try to look philosophically on
things. I came here to study
chemistry and German, with the
hope of graduating in June. That is the
prize. Now the fight, figuratively speaking
is--absence from home--a new
class--absence of friends and the countless
fears and trials that a college year
imposes on you. Calmly thinking, I


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869071
conclude that "it pays" or more elegantly
that the crown is worth fighting for.
If it is not, I came here at my own
desire and must patiently endure it
till the end. Aye that's the rub. "I
wanted so much to come."
It was just one year ago today,
that after a wild delirium of
two weeks, I awoke to my great
joy to find myself in the Infirmary.
Not the happiest place to be, a casual
observer might think, but after the
agony I had endured in imagination
it was too great bliss to find myself
safe with Mamma & Mary. I like
to think that it was while prayers were
being offered for us in church, that I
opened my eyes to full consciousness, and
that the crisis past.
Adelaide is lying in the bed reading
the evening service to herself, and parts
aloud to me. Most mournful wails
from a prayer-meeting float
down the corridor--silent hour is
over and we are going to read in the library


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869072
Friday November 6.
I can hardly believe that I have
only been here a week--I feel so
perfectly at home, and the old
college feeling has come back. Oh if
it were not for that fearful essay in
Chapel I should be happy, but O when
I think of it I tremble for fear. Some
one suggested there was always P...
ph... in the laboratory! A comforting
thought indeed. In our German
lesson of [German word], we came to
a most beautiful, and forcible
[German quotation]
I think I never read anything
finer, nor anything more likely to
lead to true nobility of character.
Oh its easy enough to admire such
things but when it comes to applying
them to "the trivial round the common
task" it is quite different!


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869073
Thursday, November 11th, Silent hour
One might as well keep
silent hour in the corridor, as in
this parlor! After five interruptions in the
first ten minutes, I think I am at
liberty to make the remark.
When I first came back, it did
not seem possible that I ever could
be happy & contented here again. But
scarcely two weeks are over, and I feel as
much at home and as contented as ever.
I was just reading over a record that
I wrote last Spring, in which I said were
I only back at the College and in the
German class again, I would be perfectly
happy. Here I am, and my wish is
in a measure gratified, but how true it is
"Each prize possessed the transport ceases
and in pursuit alone it pleases.
Saturday, December 18th. Silent Hour.
This will be a busy day for me, as
an essay must be given in to-night. Oh dear
why was not I made with a talent for


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869074

After Mentals Monday, the President told all those to stay who had friends here on Friday evening. I stayed of course, never dreaming what was coming. the next step was to tell all those who had remained with their friends in the parlor after eleven to stay, and the others to leave. Three only remained; two of these had excuses and left, and I poor lone chicken was left with Prix in the awful arm-chair. He talked and I talked, and I grieve to say he came off nefarious, and after a quarter of an hour's lecture, excused me. If I should be asked what was rung in our ears from morning till night, (in the ears of us Seniors, I mean) I should say "Example" Example - example to lower classes! And I think it was too bad - I had made such good resolutions this year to keep rules and to set an example because I was a Senior and now, before two months have passed to be obliged to take a reprimand from the President, for breaking


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869075
a rule! But I do think the College is
sliding backward, when the President speaks
to the Senior Class about sitting up too late
I was dreadfully disappointed in
my German essay on Wednesday. I had
tried my hand, and thought I had
succeeded pretty well, when after class
Miss Kapp told me to stay and have
it corrected. Well she was very nice--as
kind as she could be, but I saw that
she thought it was wretched, and so I
left her in despair. There is no one
whose good opinion I value more, and
now she must despise me for writing
such a miserable trashy thing. Oh dear
to have her think that it was so horrid
[phrase in German]
And now of course I
dread to give in another, for I know it
will be dreadful!!!!!!!!
Silent time is over; the corridors
are noisy--the girls are all talking and
bothering me with questions--O I wish
it were next Wednesday and I
were home--Indeed I do!


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869076
Sunday evening--Bible lesson--
The origin of the book of Job is doubt-
ful, but its poetry is universally admired
Froude says it will be the greatest book
of the coming age. The way it is written
resembles the Greek plays; the scene between
God, Satan and the angels, is like the
choruses sung before the play began, heard
by the spectators, but not by the actors.
Job is the greatest man in all the East;
rich, powerful, learned and upright. When
he is in great trouble, his friends, also
powerful men of the East, come from
distant cities to see and converse with him.
Eliphaz, an old man speaks to him in
a fatherly way, and propounds to him
the orthodox doctrine that his suffering
is sent to him as a punishment for
his sins, or for the sins of his sons. Job recalls
all that he has done, and can not
think of a single thing which he has
done for which he deserves punishment. Then
Elihu speaks (a young man) and says it
is his sons who have done wrong and
for them his[sic] is punished, and if he will


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869077
repent of what he has done and they
have done, he will be forgiven and re-
leased from his pain. Job's wife tries
to sympathize with him, and as she
sees that he tries hard to recognize
the goodness of God, and that it troubles
him, she says "Your sorrow is so great
you must die; leave (not curse) God and
die in peace."
There are two classes of people--those
who think happiness the highest good
in the world, and those who are indif-
ferent to sorrow or happiness, as long as
they further the good of mankind.
Neither in the book of Job, nor in
any part of the Old Testament is life
hereafter expected; the few verses that we
use as proofs are generally now regarded
as inter...ations. Moses in his promised
promises long life in this land--in the
land overflowing with milk & honey--the
land of Canaan, but never a life to come.
Christ brought life into the world, the
life hereafter was first bought by him--


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869078
Jan. 20th. Twenty minutes
before dinner--
"And it bit & it rankled."
Jan. 27. Thursday 9th period
Only las Sunday Sarah Schuyler received
a telegram telling her to come instantly
home, and before midnight a messenger
arrived to tell her that her mother had
been called to her everlasting home. She
was gone and no farewell had been
taken; she was gone without caress! Poor
Sarah was almost crazy with grief--poor
poor girl. What will life be to her now!
I miss her more than I can tell--I am
very lonely without her, and graduating without
her loses many of its charms.
February third. Thursday.
"Effects of disease on memory--indestruct-
ibility of knowledge." Room N. 2.45 to 4.10. P.M.
Otto's grammar. Room H. 4.15 to 5.40 P.M.
February fourth. Friday.
"History of the Oven." Room A. 11.15 to
12.40. P.M.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869079
VC. Saturday evening. 7.15.
The revel of examinations is done and
two days worry and cramming tell their
tale in exhaustion mentily[sic] and bodily. But
that chapel essay could be postponed
no longer, and what Nature could not
do, green tea must. It did help this
morning I am sure, but this evening
every muscle and nerve in my body
seem about to give out. Still a cup of
strong tea has brightened me up a
little, and after this evenings work, I
can sleep. And sleep I will, if it
be evening before I am rested. I will
go to church if I am up in time, but
I shall make no exertions on the
coming day of rest.
I am not particularly pleased
with my examinations, although I did
passably in all. May I never pass
another such morning as Friday again.
From five to eleven is a long while to
study, and O the agony of that topic--
...! Can an essay in chapel be
as torturing!


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869080
Feb. 26. Saturday morning--cloak-room. Silent time.
The day has come at last: Yes,
and in twelve hours I shall have disgraced my-
self forever, on that rostrum. O what would I
not give if it were over! It was bad enough
to read it to Miss Swayze, but now I am
used to that; but every time I read it, it
seems flatter and flatter. Oh I think it is
cruel to make us read before the whole
chapel! If Miss Clark and Fraulein Kapp
would only stay away, I would not mind
it so much by half. Oh dear! What is
the use talking about it. I have had it on
my mind ever since last November, and
how will I feel when its weight is gone.
I always said that I suffered as much
on Saturday evenings as the poor victims
themselves did, but oh! I find now my
feelings are not worthy to be compared.
Looking back on the fourth of February, I
do not think that I feel as badly to-day. Why
can't I look at it philosophically. I know
that I do not write well, and of course I
am not talented: if a friend really likes me,
it should not make any difference how I


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869081
write, and it will not alter her affections at
all. Probably in two weeks, hardly any
one will remember what I have written
about, and in three or four months it
will be forgotten entirely. But no--I can
not deceive myself with such false reasoning.
All who I care for, will remember whether
it be good or bad, and until I graduate
it will not be forgotten--Oh [Zimmul]!!!!
x x x x x x x x x
Evening of the same day
Well gloria in the highest, glory-
glory be to God on high!
It is over! What I have dreaded and
dreaded is over. I was fearfully frightened at
first, and regret to say that the trembling
of my papers was quite an evident thing
to all observers. The girls say I did
nicely, but I have not the remotest idea
how I read it. But if all heard, I am
satisfied! Gloria--gloria in excelsis--
and now I can say that I have read
to an audience of over four hundred
people. How grand it sounds! How
very sweet congratulations are! Gloria


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869082
Sunday morning, Feb. 27, 70.
If I ever should come into a Sunday school
and be asked to teach a class, I wonder if I
am well enough prepared on any subject to
talk connectedly for half an hour. I will just
try to write out the story of David, as far
as we have studied with Prof. Farrar and
see what I can remember of it
Soon after Saul was anointed, Samuel
went to another family to anoint a
successor to him. It was a rule that
the youngest son should take care of
the flocks and farm, and the other
sons should be prepared for war. Then
comes the story of the anointing etc and
we pass on until we come to the day
when David goes up to his brothers who
are in the army to take to them
provisions and to hear the news. While
he is here he hears the Philistine
champion, and he wishes to fight
with him. There is nothing remarkable
in this. It is simply a child's faith
in his father; any child will say to
a number of strong men, "If father


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869083
were here you could not hurt me." Then
comes the story of the conflict etc. After
the battle, when the Israelites are vic-
torious, as is their custom the chorus of
men & women is raised, and Saul hears
the chants, and as he listens he feels
jealous as he hears "Saul has slain his
thousands, but David his tens of thousands"
For Saul remembers that these people have
been for years governed by Judges, and as
soon as any man distinguishes himself
in battle, he is made judge, and he
says "Who knows but this boy may yet
supercede me as King?" But Jonathan loves
David, and General Abner regards him
as a soldier of courage. David falls in
love with Michal but as he is only a
poor man he does not urge the case, but
says he has no dowry to give her. Saul,
however, says if he will slay one hundred
Philistines, she shall be his. But David
slays two hundred. On account of jealousy
Saul causes David to leave his kingdom,
but Saul is so troubled by evil spirits,
which music only can charm away, that


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869084
he sends for some one who can play
on the harp, and through Jonathan's
influence David returns. This brings
him constantly before the people, and
the chorus "Saul has slain his thousands
but David his tens of thousands," is
chanted often before the King. So in
malicious fear Saul endeavors to
kill David, and causes him to flee.
A stranger he wanders through the
streets, and almost dying of hunger
comes to a temple & begs the priest
for the ... bread Abmelech, touched
by his sorrows, gives it him. Now David
goes to Samuel, and S. comforts him
telling him not to fear, and not
to injure Saul. Saul, hearing what
Abmelech has done, kills him and
also all the priests in the land but one,
who flees to David. Saul and Samuel
had parted long time ago, and now
the poor diseased old King is
left with out prophet or priest,
while David has both with him--
Then follows the story of the scene


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869085
in the cave, and Davids reconciliation with
Saul. At this time the fifty seventh
psalm was written (LVII).
Sunday, April 3rd.
There are three kinds of prayer. The
prayer of the child, of the man, of old age.--
the prayer of faith, of discipline, of communion.
Often these change places, sickness or experience
making the change, but always the prayers are one
of these three. Communion is the highest, but if
you have not that, pray in faith, only pray. Do
not be without communion with your Father.
Certainly the universe is arranged and God will
not alter it for us, but still he loves to have
us ask for what we want. He knows and could
send us what is needful, but he has ordained
this mode of prayer. Stated forms and words
and times are as a trellis on which a soul
ascends to God. Those that are strong enough
need them not. We do not know that the only
revelation God ever made to man was the
revelation of his son. It is blasphemous to say we
understand it is and that we understand our
Father's dealings with us. We do and can not. God
in all probablility showed himself to Socrates &


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869086
Plato, as well as to many others. The one
hundred and forty-fourth psalm is a prayer
of communion. Pray from Faith, from Love, but
only pray. If it be a tear, a sigh, only an
expression of love or even of doubt, let your petition
rise to the most High, and his loving ear will
hear it. Your prayers will benefit yourself, but
may not alter in anyway outward circumstances.
Winds will blow and waves will roll,and natural
laws will probably be fulfilled, yet even in the
worst, the spirit in free communion with God
can hear whatever discipline his loving hand
chooses to inflict. Do not try to live without
June 28. 1870. N. Conway
Up in the pine grove, leaning against a
rock. what more romantic spot could I
find. Far away to the North, east and south
stretch the high ranges of hills, and off in
the far distance Mt. Washington rears
his blue head against the sky. Now
that I am here I look back over the
last few days, and the dusty cars, and
wearisome boats and noisy cities and hot


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869087
tiring stage rides seem to have faded away,
and I only feel the fresh healing winds
blowing through the pine branches, while
above the branches of the hemlocks
wave, and make the sign of the
cross and whisper their benedicites[sic].
A week ago this afternoon was class
day, and how happy I was, during the
exercises, and how different--O how
different--were my feelings, from those of
a year ago, when in the greatest disap-
pointment and despair I
watched the closing exercises of 69. Com-
mencement Day was a happy one, but
the possession of my diploma does not give
me that heartfelt joy I had always
imagined--even that is not quite the
philosopher's stone.
How hard it was to leave the College!
I did not imagine that four years had
so closely cemented the ties.--I suppose
it was partly because I was worn
out both bodily and mentally--bodily
with packing and mentally with
study, committees, and the great


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869088
excitement of the day, that I so
entirely gave way to my feelings in the
evening. I made a long call on Miss
Clark, kissed her good bye, and when
out in the corridor cried and
cried as I thought that perhaps the
friendship of four years was ended
forever. After an hour I went in to see
Miss Powell but as I attempted to
say goodbye, my words failed, and I
could only put my head on her shoulder
and cry, as though again how we soon
must part probably never to meet again.
Up in Miss Kapps's room the feeling that
all my old College associations were
now over forever again ... over
me and it seemed more than I
could bear to be separated forever from that
place which, home excepted, had become
the dearest upon earth. What would I
not have given to have returned for another
year, to be even a Freshman seemed
so enviable. With Miss Brauslin &
Bessie I parted in the morning, but
that sail down on the Powell was a


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869089
sad and almost tearful one, and there
I left the rest of the teachers and
girls, the old College ways and associations,
the old hopes and fears--and one
page of my life has closed over forever.
Often I suppose in thought I will
live over the same scenes--old faces may
recall familiar talks and walks: I may
as a visitor enter again those classic
bounds. but never again will I can I
have the old old college feeling--never
again belong to that old building
where I have enjoyed and suffered so
much,--never be a participator in the
joys and sorrows of that little world which
has given so much of each to us all.
I can not bear to think it--it must
not be so. Friendships formed will
not be dissolved, my old love can
still remain, and after the bitterness
of parting is forgotten, and the
sore place has gone from my heart,
then I am sure my whole life
will be happier richer, and I trust
better, for my four years at Vassar College.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869090
Conway, June 30. 1870.
I believe nothing makes me feel hap-
pier than to hear any body say a
good word for Vassar. Mamma and
Mary both said to-night that it
had ... Adelaide so, and that they
were in hopes Lucy would want to go!
Darling old Alma Mater--it is well
every one does not love it as I do, for did
they Po'keepsie would not hold the
Dec. 29. 1870.
Kate Palen -- A. Lyman Knight.
Newburgh, Jan. 9. 1871.
I fully believe in an all-wise,
omnipresent God, who governs the
affairs of our world. And although
prayer is a great comfort and
relief, still our prayers should
be for spiritual graces, prayers
of submission and thanksgiving.
"Thy will be done" encircles all.


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869097
g. Constance Ellen Tyler 17 May 1961


: VCLDiariesAdeeEllen1869099
E.A. Skeel. Programme
March 9. 1870 at
Vassar College.

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday

8 to 9 Logic Logic Logic Logic Logic

1 st- Morals Morals Morals Morals

2 nd Moral - R Moral R Morals R Morals R. Morals R

3 rd Logic - R. Logic R Logic R. Logic R Logic R

4 th German Nat. Hist R. German Nat. Hist R. Nat. Hist German Chemistry R German Chemistry R. German

6 th Walk + Walk + Walk + Walk + Walk +

7 th German R. German R German R. German. R German. R

8 th Elocution R Elocution R Logic Elocution Labratory

9 th German Walk German German Labratory-

10 th German Chem. notes. German Chem. notes Walk -

7 to 8 Logic Logic Astronomy Logic Philalethean

8 to 9 Gymnastics. Boswell Gymnastics