Vassar College Digital Library

Houts, Annie | to John Houts, Jan. 1869:

VC 1869
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vassar:24404,,Box 70,VCL_Letters_Houts_Annie_1869_021
January 10, 1869
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: VCLLettersHoutsAnnie1869021001
Vassar College, Jan. 10, 1869.
My dear Brother John,
I have neglected answering your last letter longer than is my
wont, partly from lack of time, in preparing to go away &c. but chiefly
because I did not know exactly what to say to you. Your letter surprised
and hurt me quite as much, as, judging from your letter, mine angered you.
I must have been very unhappy in expressing myself - for I know, or at
least unless I am much mistaken in you, I know, did you understand my
feelings about the matter, you would not feel towards me as you do now. All
that I wanted was to know what was right for me to do, right towards you, and
towards myself g it was difficult for me to decide, especially when there was
no one near me with whom I could discuss the


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matter, no one who knew the
circumstances. I did not wish to decide blindly. I think it a crime in any
one to do so In any matter in which he has a responsibility. There are
certainly two sides to any question, and both must be viewed. In this emer-
gency, feeling still undecided and troubled about it, I wrote to you. Materially,
it seems to make but little difference, as you had already written to me, say-
ing you did not need the property, and when I received that letter, I at first
wished I had not written the one to you; and yet I should not wish to have
credit for generosity that I had not shown. I most sincerely regret that my
letter affected you as it did, and if I said any thing untrue or unkind it was
unintentional, and I am truly sorry. We are all liable to be mistaken and to
look at things in a false light, and I may have done so. I know what you
Jan. 10, 1869 -2
thought about me, "O yes Annie can make protestations, but when it comes to
any self-sacrifice, she is like every one, not willing


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to make it." I hope and
believe that such is not my character. I do not like to refer to past favors
on my part, and thus spoil them by being too conscious of them, but I can not
refrain from asking i£ I failed you last summer in your time of need? Did I
not in your absence do things for your wife that her own sister failed to do,
seeing too the need of them? Bfet enough of this; it is my constant regret that
so much of my life has been spent away from my brothers, when I might be
helping them. But it seemed unavoidable. When the old home is gone, the
father and mother no more upon earth the members of a family quickly
scatter; the strong bond between them trembles and quivers and threatens
to break, yes, some times is snapped asunder. O my brother let not such be
the case with us. Do not let this chill your brotherly affection for me. What-
ever you may do or say to me, or think of me, you are always my brother,
my dear brother, and I shall


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always ^hold? , you as such. You may not confide
in me or love me, but X shall love you, hope for you, pray for you.
X spent part of the Holidays in the College and a part in Utica, with
Helen Thomas, one of my College friends. I feel quite rested and ready for
work again now. I can not re&liae that 1 am so near through here at the Col-
lege. The time will fly quickly now, and June will soon be here. Can I not
hope to see you here, too, at that time, my brother?
Jan. 10, 1869 -3
I know of nothing else to interest you, so I must say good-bye.
Again asking your forgiveness for all my failings, and invoking the
Father's care for you, 1 remain,
Your loving Sister,
{Annie (Glidden) Houts, '69,